Put on notice

I'm not even sure I should write about this here, in case I have readers who are less well-meaning than my friends and associates. But it's just another chapter in this ludicrous story of illness and parenthood, so I'll take the risk.

A few weeks ago I retrieved a voice mail message from a police officer who left her name, phone number and badge number, but no clue as to the reason for her call. Later that day, I answered a "courtesy call" from the vice-principal of my child's elementary school. I was "courteously" notified that a "concerned" individual had reported me to the police for possible endangerment of my children because I was driving them to school so soon after release from the hospital, surgeries, etc. Evidently someone "overheard" a conversation I had with one of the members of the team who works to rein in my "Little Firecracker" when he acts out at school (running away from school and being chased down in the parking lot by parents, teachers and firefighters, knocking over desks, crying, shouting and all the rest).

I called Officer X back repeatedly, but only tonight she called me back, with apoligies for the delay. She works the midnight shift, which makes it hard to return calls at 2:00 or 3:00 a.m. She didn't seem amused when I told her she would probably have caught me awake at that hour.

After the "courtesy" call, I took the defensive action of obtaining a signed letter from my neurosurgeon's office that says I can drive if I'm not taking my pain medication. That doesn't matter much, though. There has been an "incident report" and if anyone finds reason to question my driving, I can be pulled over and evaluated for DUI, including getting blood drawn to see what medications are in my system. If I'm alone, I can be charged with a misdemeanor DUI. If my children are in the car, it becomes a felony.

Officer X called dispatch to check on my license; she confirmed that no restrictions had been placed on it by the motor vehicle division. I asked if the same anonymous person who reported me to her could initiate that process. She said no, it would have to be done by my physician or law enforcement.

She wasn't even sure she had actually made an official report. If she had, I would be entitled to a copy of it, but so much of the body of the report would be redacted that it wouldn't tell me much. Of course they can't tell me who reported me in the first place.

I find this particularly ironic given the fact that last week, one of my child's classmates was ejected from the car in a single vehicle accident in which the mother and one sibling were killed, and two other children were injured. The school is inundated with grief counselors. My child's behavior coach told me that Big'un has asked her several times if I was going to live. Now he has proof positive that a little kid CAN lose her mother.

I can only assume that the person who made that phone call had the best interests of my children in mind. That is small comfort, given the amount of distress this has caused me over the past weeks.

I don't know about you all, but if I observed this situation from the outside, the first thing I would probably do would be to see what could be done to HELP. I don't think calling law enforcement would have been my first call to action, as it might be if I observed a mother hitting her children or otherwise actively abusing/endangering them.

Who knows; I can't know the motivations of the person who made that call. I must hold it in my mind that he or she had only the best intentions. That doesn't really reduce my anger and irritation about this whole mess, but in time I'll have to come to terms with it in the most positive way possible.

While I qualify for Handicar services because of my medical condition, that service won't transport children. I've hired someone to drive to the school and daycare center in the afternoons to pick up the children so that I can take my pain medication as soon as I get home from my morning drive. I haven't found anyone who isn't insanely busy in the mornings.

I feel awful right now. I keep telling myself that I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN, but from every direction I'm getting feedback that it just isn't good enough. I failed a proofreading/copy editing test, so I can't even do that kind of work at home to support myself. Some of you know how ridiculously particular I am about copy errors; I thought I could pass the test in my sleep. Guess not. And now my driving and even my judgment about the care and safety of my own children has been called into question.

What next?!

Tears fall. I curl up with my pillow and wait for sleep--and the NEXT big whack, because it's bound to come from somewhere.