Home from the Hospital

I have just returned from a week in the hospital. I didn't get up from my bed for days. I had to have my head down, below a ten degree incline to ease the spinal headache that resulted from spinal surgery and the drain they inserted near the incision to drain fluid. I had a catheter that whole time and had to force myself to eat without raising my head.

I came home, feeling better, then did something very bad to myself in the shower. My friend Bob came to my rescue this morning to take me to my neurosurgeon's office to see what is wrong. I may have torn an internal suture or something but they don't want to be too aggressive just yet--i.e. no surgery.

My prescription is to stay in bed all weeked with my head down and see if things improve by next week.

I'm filled with gratitude for the countless friends and family members who have come through for me. I'm trying to cope with feelings of anger, frustration and helplessness because I can't take care of my own basic needs. My mind is fuzzy from pain killers. My body doesn't know how to deal with this unrelenting pain.

I'm trying to surrender. I'm trying to let it be okay to simply EXIST for a time.

This is simplicity at its heart, reducing everything to the most elemental foundations: breathe, drink, eat, sleep. Think, if it's unavoidable. Be grateful. Remain optomistic.